Planning for the Summer: “What Works” Journal
June 9th, 2009I must admit, with the summer coming and my children out of school, the pressure of what to do with them is up!! I am a working mother of three very active children. Like most parents, I want to raise my children with certain values. I typically do not want to enroll my children in every summer activity or camp, as they are on vacation from school. Recently though, I find I am snapping at my children more, or ignoring them, because unlike the last two summers, when my schedule was more flexible, I cannot spend all my time catering to all their needs. I am sure most parents can relate, especially given today’s economy.
I have signed my children up for summer activities, but I am not signing them up for more than three activities a week. I am tempted to put them in every summer camp and activity offered in my community. After all, they will have fun. They will all come home exhausted and we can all have a relaxing evening, either reading a book or playing a game. Then, I can tuck them in bed with a little kiss on the cheek, and “I love you.” But why do I find myself feeling guilty?
In today’s society, kids are over-structured and over-scheduled in our attempts to give our children a successful happy childhood. While it is true that summer adventures teach children self discipline and problem solving skills, among other skills; too much structure and activity can increase stress for both the parent and the child/children. It also limits family communication and sibling relationships. This week I discovered something, my children are the happiest when I communicate with them about simple things. I took my children hiking. My son ran in front of me and collected flowers and said, “Here mommy, it is a treasure”. My seven year old daughter listened to my ipod, and asked if I could hear the music. My ten year old daughter talked about “animal rights,” and I nodded. I felt at peace! Kids wanted to be heard not silenced with activities.
Simply put, as a working parent I find I am less stressed when my children are not over-stimulated or over-scheduled, or whining for my undivided attention. I keep a journal entitled, “Family: What Works.” This journal not only helps during occasional melt downs, but it has helped me recognize what is important to my family and reduced the pressure to conform to the norms. Here is an example from my journal last month.
- I cannot believe taking the children to the beach for a day makes a world of difference. They came back and just wanted to be left alone.
- The computer game Ok for a while, but not more than an hour….E became moody and R felt she did not get time on computer. Set limit in the future.
- TV….yah! A little did not hurt, I got all my work done, but now J is about ready to knock furniture down playing TV characters. Now I am stressed!
- Jungle, was great, but I think I over did it with J and R, both are having melt-downs/fits.
- Yap! E enjoyed YouTube music, but she will not stop…does not want to get off ….created a fight! Will have to set limits on time and consequence prior
- Bike ride…stop at ice cream store, window shop. Relaxed afternoon everyone resting.
- Picnic at the park; walk with E as R and J play. Another relaxed day (all got attention)
- Read Addie with R and E, for an hour, while Dad played Lego with J (awesome), go to dinner
- Hiking (3 miles), then lunch at S and ice cream and then hike home and bath for everyone….relax and read (Yap it worked)
I have been keeping this journal for the last 3 months and now I can see what works to calm me down and keep my family peaceful. I am also using it to plan our summer adventures. For the summer, on the days I am feeling very stressed and I do not feel like I can handle sibling bickering, we will ride our bikes downtown or hike. Even my older 2 are keeping a journal of what they consider FUN! Here are tips for your own journal:
Family: What Works Journal
- Should be simple entries. It does not have to be daily entries
- It is a reflection, not a time consuming report.
- It should help for future planning.
- It should be about time spent together.
- Reflect both successes and failures.